Friday, April 29, 2011
com(pose)d
Embers grip my afterthoughts ^ I become the scene. I disperse into a thousand starlit pieces & bounce gleam off pretensions. The conceptual find it alluring & an aftermath of disabled cognition recognize the jury. Give me the utensils. I want a golden starship- a trip to a place that exists only in vain. a blackhole burnt to charcoal. Push me to a state of emergency. In depths unhindered. Splashing into a sphere clothed in nude. Faith. Bare bodies of urgency$ swimming toward an indestructive elusiveness. Unadulterated waters. submerged in scolding bathwater- rip your scent off of me. Heat surrounds everything but my eyes. A soliloquy. Disecting an unworthy composition of a tasteless redemption. LaundÉred thoughts.
La Douleur Exquise- Part One
I guess I've never started a piece without riddles & disorientedly scrabbled words.
This summer of 09 has reoccurred thoughts that are so cut & dry they almost slice my originals.
Before things get any more crammed inside my warped complexion of a mind -
I should let those know how I feel, collectively of course.
Berto- Things must get hard just so that you can cum. a demolition always happens before re-construction. cliches now seem like fickled positivity given by people so they may be a part of your healing process. They're coming from a good place & their intentions are pure even if after the 2,658th "you're better off. things will fall into place" often end up seeming dissimulating.
with matters of the heart-once emotions nuzzle up where your rationality used to lie- things get sheisty.
black & whites all become grey. so many factors-no one to blame. everyone's ashamed.
we escape ourselves in each other....
I've been to hell & back.
they welcome me with open arms now. I'm a regular.
it's almost as if I'm not phased by that scolding darkness any longer. until heaven calls from a "507" phone number. the inferno repeats itself.
I've been blessed. I sincerely have been. I've had so many take me by the hand & lighten my life with their glistening l.o.v.e. for -me.
An undistinguished regime of my lovely yet unpresent father has taken a toll on my adaptation of good men.
I don't have the heart to speak evils. We share laughs & for that I have felt a warmth impossible from anyone else. I love you Daddy. I look forward to the day I'm given away to someone who can love my scars away.
J- I will never be able write enough words to express how much you have meant in the last near decade. my teacher & student of how it feels to be really loved.truly.
forget gems-you were this girl's best friend.
I've fallen hard for your family & friends. they have become the loves of my life.
you've always had my best interest even when you were showing other women my maneuvers.
Life is not your battle-it's your divine sanction. grasp your needs & let them marinate. fall in love as many times as you can-just be sincere & put yourself at the very top of your list-
yours is the only happiness you can manipulate.
Its taken many years to seek a future life unconsumed with a complicated love story.
R- you have loved me through every terrible endeavor I took you through. You have been my urban love-one unconditional & unfatigued by out skirted perception of a love. We have taken hold of Chicago & you've brought soul where vacant roots used to sit.You have "put me on" to conquests & a musically lit Chicago adventure. I will always feel you.when 2 people have no direction they just keep bumping into each other. I need a destination other than your heart's taste-buds.
"A good man is hard to find. A hard man is good to find."
As of this point I feel like my heart & I have have never dueted. never joined forces to exist cooperatively.I have standards. I'm attracted to distracted minds & difficult precisions.
I need warmth & a combustible attraction. I find a dedication to spontaneity.
A city girl- I've found myself inebriated in the metropolitan-highlighted street lights & dampened by morning afters.
as the windy one blows-I need to find this chicagowoman.
as I leave 23 behind & my 25th year approaches on this planet-
b-I recognize myself in you-
On the globe of my life I've been searching for someone to point ME out.
- I need to arrange my own atlas & make my own itinerary.
This summer of 09 has reoccurred thoughts that are so cut & dry they almost slice my originals.
Before things get any more crammed inside my warped complexion of a mind -
I should let those know how I feel, collectively of course.
Berto- Things must get hard just so that you can cum. a demolition always happens before re-construction. cliches now seem like fickled positivity given by people so they may be a part of your healing process. They're coming from a good place & their intentions are pure even if after the 2,658th "you're better off. things will fall into place" often end up seeming dissimulating.
with matters of the heart-once emotions nuzzle up where your rationality used to lie- things get sheisty.
black & whites all become grey. so many factors-no one to blame. everyone's ashamed.
we escape ourselves in each other....
I've been to hell & back.
they welcome me with open arms now. I'm a regular.
it's almost as if I'm not phased by that scolding darkness any longer. until heaven calls from a "507" phone number. the inferno repeats itself.
I've been blessed. I sincerely have been. I've had so many take me by the hand & lighten my life with their glistening l.o.v.e. for -me.
An undistinguished regime of my lovely yet unpresent father has taken a toll on my adaptation of good men.
I don't have the heart to speak evils. We share laughs & for that I have felt a warmth impossible from anyone else. I love you Daddy. I look forward to the day I'm given away to someone who can love my scars away.
J- I will never be able write enough words to express how much you have meant in the last near decade. my teacher & student of how it feels to be really loved.truly.
forget gems-you were this girl's best friend.
I've fallen hard for your family & friends. they have become the loves of my life.
you've always had my best interest even when you were showing other women my maneuvers.
Life is not your battle-it's your divine sanction. grasp your needs & let them marinate. fall in love as many times as you can-just be sincere & put yourself at the very top of your list-
yours is the only happiness you can manipulate.
Its taken many years to seek a future life unconsumed with a complicated love story.
R- you have loved me through every terrible endeavor I took you through. You have been my urban love-one unconditional & unfatigued by out skirted perception of a love. We have taken hold of Chicago & you've brought soul where vacant roots used to sit.You have "put me on" to conquests & a musically lit Chicago adventure. I will always feel you.when 2 people have no direction they just keep bumping into each other. I need a destination other than your heart's taste-buds.
"A good man is hard to find. A hard man is good to find."
As of this point I feel like my heart & I have have never dueted. never joined forces to exist cooperatively.I have standards. I'm attracted to distracted minds & difficult precisions.
I need warmth & a combustible attraction. I find a dedication to spontaneity.
A city girl- I've found myself inebriated in the metropolitan-highlighted street lights & dampened by morning afters.
as the windy one blows-I need to find this chicagowoman.
as I leave 23 behind & my 25th year approaches on this planet-
b-I recognize myself in you-
On the globe of my life I've been searching for someone to point ME out.
- I need to arrange my own atlas & make my own itinerary.
cata.comb-ik.
twenty-oh-9
...pushed into a state of highest emergencies. codes painted with flickering yellow lights. winding the streetlights-booms of flashing luminance.
I've got some things for you- but instead the material became the intangible. fought out of freedom-I took the letters & threw them in the fire, embers rolled over sacks & I licked them dry.
caressing the furthest parts of my mind & found naked thoughts-
skirming in starkness- confidence.
what lies in darkness will always be brought to light.
I put a lighter to embalm the desolated woman I've become.
melting intentionally-sparing others of the crooked truth.
Spread apart like sticky fingers
Give me a 6 reasons to love you.
one for every year I've expensed in tears.
Sometimes I suggest a care to make myself feel someone.
Anything short of lonely.
Simmer as to bubble with a crunch
If I wrote about my life – I feel there’d be so many misspellings.
I can’t resist shaking things to my core & upsetting my norm.-
touch me where it hurts. thus I can feel closer to human vibrations.
pacified the good men for the good man I knew before he knew how to fuck.
teaching woman tricks that he burglarized from his first l0ve.
love of my life-seems unrecognizable now
as I sit in beds up all night. pillows take the place of lovers.
reasoning better judgment in order to stroke the esteem that I hide
expose myself for sake of the deal break.shoving myself esteAmED into dark dimensions. give me amnesia-so i can stand into a trustworthy earth. to cover my body with faith.
addicted to manifestations of a real destination. one consumed with myself,the only one I've never been in love with.
the journey had taken so many different routes. none of which I've found blind bliss.
maybe I just don't know how to love. no fluffy words to validate that.
competing with tasteful rendezvouses taking trains to feel real urban-ness. to staying in bed long enough to count every crease on my face.
in dire need of a transcontinental conception-
typing words to free myself of adulterated ideas.
some try & poke through the subliminal-
yet no one can fully birth my thoughts... repetitive representatives.
the women that fuel my vitality still can't upkeep my scattered mind's maintenance.
the loneliness multiplies with every mis.absorbed connotation.
I DO fold-because I've never been good at bluffing.I'm a bad liar & squander in my own deceptions.
I can’t smoke enough; slurp too much, to ill myself of you.
I bask in the moments where I’m condemned to the sedated thoughts that swim in MY libido's ocean.
Intoxicate it all to inform my subconscious with filtered reasoning.
Impatiented by thoughts be the air that suckles your commitment.
When I don’t see words strewn across, my hearts skippens completes.
...pushed into a state of highest emergencies. codes painted with flickering yellow lights. winding the streetlights-booms of flashing luminance.
I've got some things for you- but instead the material became the intangible. fought out of freedom-I took the letters & threw them in the fire, embers rolled over sacks & I licked them dry.
caressing the furthest parts of my mind & found naked thoughts-
skirming in starkness- confidence.
what lies in darkness will always be brought to light.
I put a lighter to embalm the desolated woman I've become.
melting intentionally-sparing others of the crooked truth.
Spread apart like sticky fingers
Give me a 6 reasons to love you.
one for every year I've expensed in tears.
Sometimes I suggest a care to make myself feel someone.
Anything short of lonely.
Simmer as to bubble with a crunch
If I wrote about my life – I feel there’d be so many misspellings.
I can’t resist shaking things to my core & upsetting my norm.-
touch me where it hurts. thus I can feel closer to human vibrations.
pacified the good men for the good man I knew before he knew how to fuck.
teaching woman tricks that he burglarized from his first l0ve.
love of my life-seems unrecognizable now
as I sit in beds up all night. pillows take the place of lovers.
reasoning better judgment in order to stroke the esteem that I hide
expose myself for sake of the deal break.shoving myself esteAmED into dark dimensions. give me amnesia-so i can stand into a trustworthy earth. to cover my body with faith.
addicted to manifestations of a real destination. one consumed with myself,the only one I've never been in love with.
the journey had taken so many different routes. none of which I've found blind bliss.
maybe I just don't know how to love. no fluffy words to validate that.
competing with tasteful rendezvouses taking trains to feel real urban-ness. to staying in bed long enough to count every crease on my face.
in dire need of a transcontinental conception-
typing words to free myself of adulterated ideas.
some try & poke through the subliminal-
yet no one can fully birth my thoughts... repetitive representatives.
the women that fuel my vitality still can't upkeep my scattered mind's maintenance.
the loneliness multiplies with every mis.absorbed connotation.
I DO fold-because I've never been good at bluffing.I'm a bad liar & squander in my own deceptions.
I can’t smoke enough; slurp too much, to ill myself of you.
I bask in the moments where I’m condemned to the sedated thoughts that swim in MY libido's ocean.
Intoxicate it all to inform my subconscious with filtered reasoning.
Impatiented by thoughts be the air that suckles your commitment.
When I don’t see words strewn across, my hearts skippens completes.
Wednesday, February 16, 2011
October 2008.
I stole moments to capture rank
above the contenders;
taking first place but wearing bronze;
suspending smoke through swivels & circulation.
Captivating the application & resting assured manifestation.
intensely sustained impassioned exponents divided themselves through sunlit waves, saturating the place where we were to knot.
tie & bind,your wet fingers I'd savor myself off of.
peace by piece chipped expectations uniformed & became passively laconic .
years of smeared mascara muted with recognition of an undeniable crystallization.
evangelistically consistent, brinking the cup you filled so gallantly
Still, I stood so close, close enough to taste your fumes,distant enough to correct my vision.
the heat that overlaps my lips & swarms the insides of my cheeks. I like when you come.
-farther is plastic glasses attached to string as community utensils.
-closer was underneath sheets licking words from each other; when we laid in beds just big enough to fit how we felt.
carefully clipping stitches where skin has overlapped.,slurping my empty words that blanketed self-indulgence.
Deafened by loving you in all languages, peddling to rewind. You once said you've wasting moments unspent with me,counterclockwise.
Expensively,you financed my soul, I left you bankrupt;unsorted.
drafts became cheap & abundant,eventually wholesale.
you'd planted seeds of raw,illuminate pungency inside me & made me glow.
Inducing lines of your sincerity crisply/I bleed your beat
Wednesday, January 26, 2011
slush.
cherishing morsels of a lack luster lover. a volcanous emotions. erupting. set me free with a chain embedded deep with regret. I loved without residue. took his maneuvers & rearranged the game. monopolizing where feelings used to create sparkles. taking 1000 cigarettes to overtake voided spaces. I can no longer reach the shell. dug my heels so deep into oblivion that I left scuff marks on the intents. finding sanction in a manifestation of regrettable table toppers. I have been told that I have danced on the moon a time or two... now I'm left waiting for the sun. conquer all the stars & play cards with constellations.
open heart nursery.
when my heart used to skip beats. 2009
Just quickly enough to fast forward through the parts that make you look unkempt.
I’ve opened up my mind to holy waters & anointed myself as grail.
It’s nuclear.ly physical & I make my soul a part of the ménage a trios.
A shifty instinct you have pacified into depths I’d like to shallow…
Chokeless, be the bitch to help you swallow.
Baby it’s your back, I got forever------
yet when she looks in your rearview- she’ll see me fucking her.
Penetrating, like you fucked me out of all the opportunities of becoming a good wife-
Broken to bits in canvas, I’m the luminance that rips open.
Up & down we took turns on slicing our own schemes- I found myself wrestling through neat sheets in order to gleam.
desiring lovers to take my waist & lead me to the intensity that consumed me into you...
chastisizing a lost sense of self-
I’m internally grateful for the love that’s never met eternity,
For you are as lonely as I will never reside & that’s true… personified & denied.
I left lovers for covers & took prisoners under my golden gates.
wrapped my legs around any idea of being a designated suitor.
The unseen men that became my adaptations of what I needed & never blossomed.
Through aborting lives’ dreams- you were the everlasting mistakes, I helped glorify the death of seeds- Strained your remainders & all that seeped through were failures.
“I will never love anything the way that I loved Kayleigh”
2002 rocking chairs import thoughts- I’m buttered up to be placed onto scorching pans,
Watch as I melt into oblivion- I have never before,felt the loath I graciously inject through mindwaves & bottle unto you. -Positivity placed into jars that have shelved vibrations.
swarming through forecasted deductions of you, diseased.
I used to dream in technicolor portraits-
I discussed politics with the stars- & made a deal with angels-
offering pieces of my soul as payment to protect you-
Now, I'm left with notifications sent to the core no matter how many times I tried to return to sender.
Instead,
I took a number-
sat back -
& watched as you fucked them all.
Dicking my mind while finger fucking repressed thoughts.
women as slaves in the dungeons of your elusive chains.
I have insisted on being the fugitive- the escape artist that dictated silently.
you,never learning that things exist in simplicity in the consciousness you can't seem to assume.
I had an atlas that directed me to the harbor at the end of the labyrinth. Journeys that ended with unfulfilled representatives of an everlasting. love-singing syllables that "dangle from my lips & I am now the unseen."
Wasting moments I banish into depths of a paralyzed catastrophic place.
I need to suffice my life without a trail of past participles-
knead myself out of the numbsation I give into.
I want to FEEL-embody the piercing of perpetual escapism.
I want to be loved-a prisoner of undying devotion. devouring any self-serving proposition.
fasten the clips to the lessons I've learned & therefore begin to teach.
Wednesday, September 8, 2010
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