slush.

cherishing morsels of a lack luster lover. a volcanous emotions. erupting. set me free with a chain embedded deep with regret. I loved without residue. took his maneuvers & rearranged the game. monopolizing where feelings used to create sparkles. taking 1000 cigarettes to overtake voided spaces. I can no longer reach the shell. dug my heels so deep into oblivion that I left scuff marks on the intents. finding sanction in a manifestation of regrettable table toppers. I have been told that I have danced on the moon a time or two... now I'm left waiting for the sun. conquer all the stars & play cards with constellations.

open heart nursery.

when my heart used to skip beats. 2009

! - slowly corked bullets following truthly sufficed amber waves-drifitng through puddles of placid women-

Just quickly enough to fast forward through the parts that make you look unkempt.

I’ve opened up my mind to holy waters & anointed myself as grail.
It’s nuclear.ly physical & I make my soul a part of the ménage a trios.
A shifty instinct you have pacified into depths I’d like to shallow…

Chokeless, be the bitch to help you swallow.
Baby it’s your back, I got forever------
yet when she looks in your rearview- she’ll see me fucking her.
Penetrating, like you fucked me out of all the opportunities of becoming a good wife-
Broken to bits in canvas, I’m the luminance that rips open.

Up & down we took turns on slicing our own schemes- I found myself wrestling through neat sheets in order to gleam.
desiring lovers to take my waist & lead me to the intensity that consumed me into you...
chastisizing a lost sense of self-
I’m internally grateful for the love that’s never met eternity,
For you are as lonely as I will never reside & that’s true… personified & denied.

I left lovers for covers & took prisoners under my golden gates.
wrapped my legs around any idea of being a designated suitor.
The unseen men that became my adaptations of what I needed & never blossomed.


Through aborting lives’ dreams- you were the everlasting mistakes, I helped glorify the death of seeds- Strained your remainders & all that seeped through were failures.

“I will never love anything the way that I loved Kayleigh”
2002 rocking chairs import thoughts- I’m buttered up to be placed onto scorching pans,

Watch as I melt into oblivion- I have never before,felt the loath I graciously inject through mindwaves & bottle unto you. -Positivity placed into jars that have shelved vibrations.

swarming through forecasted deductions of you, diseased.

I used to dream in technicolor portraits-
I discussed politics with the stars- & made a deal with angels-
offering pieces of my soul as payment to protect you-
Now, I'm left with notifications sent to the core no matter how many times I tried to return to sender.


Instead,
I took a number-
sat back -
& watched as you fucked them all.
Dicking my mind while finger fucking repressed thoughts.

women as slaves in the dungeons of your elusive chains.
I have insisted on being the fugitive- the escape artist that dictated silently.
you,never learning that things exist in simplicity in the consciousness you can't seem to assume.

I had an atlas that directed me to the harbor at the end of the labyrinth. Journeys that ended with unfulfilled representatives of an everlasting. love-singing syllables that "dangle from my lips & I am now the unseen."
Wasting moments I banish into depths of a paralyzed catastrophic place.
I need to suffice my life without a trail of past participles-
knead myself out of the numbsation I give into.

I want to FEEL-embody the piercing of perpetual escapism.
I want to be loved-a prisoner of undying devotion. devouring any self-serving proposition.
fasten the clips to the lessons I've learned & therefore begin to teach.